Friday, March 4, 2011

I cried...

Today when I took my baby to daycare he kissed and hugged me bye, then turned around and reached for his teacher. He shed no tears today. Usually he will cry for about 10-20 seconds and then stop. I know because I stand (where he can't see me) and listen for him to stop crying. This is his 10th day at this daycare. The one he will most likely attend until he starts Kindergarten (the day I will cry again). It did make me feel good that he didn't cry and that he reached for his teacher. But it also was a little sad for this momma. This momma who will have no more babies. He is my last baby.

It is so hard having a BABY after your other kids are practically grown and hanging on with one foot out the door. Some of you blog readers may or may not know this about me...but I'm a young mom! Bless the Lord that Teen Mom wasn't a show when I was knocked up! Lock your kids up people! Some kids make bad choices and I was one of them. I like to think that now I am a little smarter, more mature and better off then I was at the age. But that's just my opinion :-)

I had my sweet girl just 19 days shy of my 17th birthday. Followed by my son just 18 months and 3 days later. E is almost 12 (in 27 days...eek) and Z is 10.5. I finally get these kids to an age where they wipe their own bottoms, they have started mastering using a stove, they go to friends houses, and they don't depend on me for EVERYTHING. I was finally starting to feel a little bit of freedom. And then the line appeared. I was pregnant! ALL of our lives were going to change.

My baby is now one and this last year has been crazy, but amazing, to say the least. I have learned again how to manage on a little bit of sleep, I have remembered why it was so nice to finally have kids out of diapers and off the boob/formula. I had forgotten ALL the items you need for a baby when you leave the house. Haha! But I was also blessed to be able to hold a sweet baby and rock one to sleep again, I was able to nurse him and comfort him. I was doing this ALL on my own and I enjoyed it. Sure, I had the help of his daddy. But it wasn't the same as my first two babies.

When I had E & Z I was still in High School. Then eventually I went to College and got a job. I had so much help from my mom with the 2 of them. She helped me raise them. I was their mom and I was there for them. But she was like a mom (or I guess dad) to them too. With C things have been so much different. To him she is just "Nana". And I am his MOM! He still hasn't stayed the night with anyone besides his daddy and myself.

So today when I left him at daycare and he didn't cry for me, I felt a sharp pain in my chest. My baby is growing up and even though he will always be my baby, he will eventually not depend on me for everything just like his big sister and big brother.

Being a mom is so rewarding. But it is so hard to cut the cord.


BoomerSooner said...

Thank goodness you updated! It is hard to be a mom with your heart and soul walking around outside your body! Keep the faith and the funny! The only way to survive it!

Alice said...

Haha! I will try my best to update more often. It may be boring things like weekly menus, grocery shopping stories, middle school drama, etc but I will try!!

Diana Y. said...

Yeah, I'm so glad you blogged too. I've been wondering where you've been! :) I think being a young mom really shaped you into a wonderful person. I look up to you and how you're able to manage everything! I love Katie's advice. <3

Alice said...

Thank you Diana. That is a very sweet compliment.